A CONVERSATION ABOUT FERTILITY, ACUPUNCTURE & IVF, WITH SAMINA HAIDER

LISTEN TO THE FULL CONVERSATION VIA LINKS BELOW (SUBSCRIBE OR FOLLOW THE “LONDON WRITING GUY” PODCAST FOR FUTURE EPISODES)

Note: The below is a intended to accompany the audio version and has a little more about my own personal story.

In the midst of an IVF cycle, I am sat waiting for one of our appointments. My wife comes across a news piece that is very appropriate for that moment. Written by a female journalist talking about her own IVF experience, it was an interesting combination of light and witty, but with very real and hard hitting reflections. In one paragraph, she jokes about having to take her stimulation drugs abroad and contending with everything that comes with that, from deciding to time injections with UK time vs local time, to taking sharp items on a plane. As a side note, my wife actually had to do this. If you’ve never gone through US customs with the knowledge that you are carrying 30 odd syringes in your bag, it’s quite an experience. The main takeaway from the article was new data from the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA) that revealed one in every 32 births in the UK, in 2023, were via IVF. All of this this probably a give away that my wife and I have been through IVF. I appreciate not everyone comes away from IVF with positive results. Some are even unable to attempt the process. I am in a very privileged position to be able to say that our result was a positive one. The all-round experience was anything but.

The stat mentioned above roughly equates to one child in every typical state-school classroom. "IVF births are making up a higher proportion of all UK births over time, increasing from 1.3% in 2000 to 3.1% in 2023," the report said. According to the HFEA, the rise in IVF children seems to being driven by same-sex female couples, as well as single patients. Another aspect is that of increased use of IVF in older age groups. Anecdotally though, I am finding more and more couples that have either gone through IVF or are more willing to talk about it. Or is it that they are more are willing to talk about it once I have mentioned it? What came first, the chicken or the embryo?

IVF can consume many hours of conversation. That is not an understatement. The journey is long. The process is complicated. The science is intense, yet the unknowns are many. All the clichés come out at this point. Winding and hilly roads. Twists. Turns. Ups. Downs. And boy are the downs heavy! The entire process took us two full years (and that’s putting natural conception attempts to one side.) Everything else felt like it was on hold. I’ve heard of couples whose IVF journeys took a lot longer and my heart is with them. For us, two years was long enough.

There was a time that I wasn’t ready to discuss IVF with anyone. I’m not sure what I was afraid of. What I do know is that once I began discussing it with people around me, it became a hell of a lot easier to cope with. After not having seen any of my friends for about 4 months, the cancelled plans became easier to explain. Drinking 0% beer no longer came with judgement (not that it should, but I guess there’s a different conversation here about masculine environments.) There were some closest to me that I decided to withhold the information from, perhaps from an aspect of protecting them from experiencing the lows we experienced as a couple. But all in all, I valued the worth of sharing our journey with others and that is where this conversation with Samina Haider comes from. 

Samina Haider

Samina is the second former colleague I’ve interviewed. She is a licensed traditional Chinese medicine acupuncturist, naturopath and hormonal health specialist. Even as a former AV producer in the film and entertainment industry, Samina was never too far from Chinese medicine. Her father, Dr Syed Zishan Haider, whilst being an NHS GP was also a Homeopath, Acupuncturist and Hypnotherapist. After over a decade in the film world, Samina re-trained. Now 10 years qualified, Samina specializes in women’s health with a particular focus on fertility. My wife and I went to Samina to help compliment all of the other things we were doing to help us in obtaining positive IVF results. Admittedly, I did not personally seek treatment from Samina (which is a topic touched on during our conversation), however my wife did and she couldn’t have been in better hands. Samina’s considered and thoughtful approach was perfect and exactly what we needed.

As I say, I found immense value in sharing our journey with others and, at times, simply offloading a ton of weight, frustration and sadness. Some of the most essential therapy for me came from talking to some of my closest friends, over a (often 0%) beer. This here is a little thank you to them for allowing me to dominate an evening with a conversation that they perhaps couldn’t connect to, yet were curious, supportive and considered in their nature.

It honestly did surprise me as to how much some people around me didn’t know about IVF. That said, I shouldn’t have been all too surprised. My lack of knowledge on the topic was a little frustrating. I almost wish someone had told me about all the things that impact on fertility a lot earlier. A large part of the reason for this conversation with Samina is just that. Knowledge is power and open conversation can help with that knowledge.  This conversation is less about providing tips and advice on how to improve fertility, but more to encourage a bit more grace when it comes to talking about fertility, especially in South Asian environments.

LISTEN TO THE FULL CONVERSATION ON SPOTIFY:

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